Article 1 — The Office
These conditions govern issue by the Department of Conversational Clearance for the N-Word Pass (the Office). The Secretariat has adjourned. Correspondence is received; it is not answered as a matter of course.
Article 2 — The instrument
The instrument is a metal pass. The face title is n-word pass. The instrument authorizes the Bearer to say the word “Nigeria.” Nigeria is a sovereign republic. The instrument is not a visa, a passport, a permit of residence, or a travel document of any kind.
Article 3 — Fee
The fee is 9.99 USD. It is due in full at the time of request. The Office does not invoice, instal, refund, or credit. Receipt of the fee is the condition of cutting the instrument.
Article 4 — The name
The Office records the name supplied at purchase and prints that name on the face. It does not verify identity and is not responsible for the name chosen. A name may be a legal name, a working name, or any other string the requester elects to have cut. The instrument is personal to that string. It may not be transferred, assigned, gifted, inherited, or otherwise conveyed.
Article 5 — What the instrument is not
No edition constitutes identification, travel permission, employment, membership, or affiliation with any government, institution, or person. Possession does not confer standing before a court, a border, an employer, a club, or a conversation except as stated on the reverse.
Article 6 — Editions
The object is the same. The face differs. Patent bears a script lockup. Centurion is cut in black metal and may bear a commemorative relief. Laissez is an open face on light steel. Die is stamped from raw stock. Private is unmarked except as required to name the Bearer and number the issue.
Where an edition bears the likeness of a public figure, that likeness is commemorative. No endorsement has been requested or received. The Centurion relief is taken from a public-domain White House photograph by Pete Souza.
Article 7 — The Register
Open records may be inspected in the Register of Instruments by issue number or by the name printed on the instrument. Search is by exact match. Sealed records are omitted from the Register. A sealed record cannot be unsealed after issue.
Article 8 — Sealed records
A requester may elect, at the time of issue only, that the record be sealed. The address of a sealed instrument will not resolve without the full reference issued to the Bearer. The Office will not print the name of a sealed record in the Register, in correspondence, or in any index.
Article 9 — Possession
Possession of a link to this instrument is possession of the instrument. The Office does not retain a secondary copy for the Bearer. Loss of the link is loss of the instrument. The Office will not reissue, replace, or reconstruct a lost instrument.
Article 10 — Withdrawal
The Office may withdraw an instrument. A withdrawn instrument remains in the Register as a matter of record. Withdrawal is not a refund. The Secretariat is not obliged to state a reason.
Article 11 — Finality
All sales are final. These conditions are the entire terms of issue. They are not a joke in the document, even where the instrument is one. The reverse of the instrument is the notice to the Bearer and is incorporated here.
Article 12 — Photographs
The issuing-room photograph is a spotlight on an empty floor. It is not a depiction of the Office’s premises, which are adjourned.